do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
