Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
