Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
