Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
