Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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