I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
