How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
