i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
