Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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