Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We are two peas in an std pod
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
