some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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