Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
