i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
