I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
