he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
