God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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