Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
