Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
