Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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