This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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