why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
