I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
