He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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