so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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