you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
