i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
