i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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