Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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