Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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