I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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