I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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