My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
please come you make the beer taste better
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
