Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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