So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
