I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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