Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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