I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
