I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
