I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
