How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
