Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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