Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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