And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All the doctor said was why
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
