I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
