so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
