standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
