Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
