I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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