We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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