Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
