why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
