I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Are my feet made of real feet?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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