the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
