did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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